Michy's Darkest Secret

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About Michy

People don't call me Michy for no reason. Hi, I'm Michelle Oon, your normal average teenager that enjoys hanging out and is bombared with teenages problems. Borned in 1989 on 25th April, I was raised in a family of five. I have interest in annoying people, and a little passion for photography as well as videography. Thanks for dropping by in my miserable blog, and hope you will be happier than me. Signing off, Emo-chy Michy .

Credits

Layout: baby wingz
Font: dafont
Images: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Brushes: Mad Satsuki
Juvenile Casualty
Patterns: 1Adobe Photoshop

Sunday, April 26, 2009

P.a.i.n

She wished all her memories were of the good times but the bad times kept coming back to haunt her. And nobody told them that this friendship was a short one. There were her happy days, when she would walk around in a daydream with nothing but a smile on her face, catching herself giggling as she walked down the street when a joke of their friendship would suddenly pop in her head. Then she would fall into days of deep dark depression; then finally build up the strength to be positive and to snap out of it for another few days. But the tiniest and simplest thing would trigger off her tears again. That was her routine. It was a tiring process and most of the time she couldnt be bothered battling with her mind. It was far stronger than her body.Friends sometimes help her with her tears, other times making her laugh. But even in her laughter there was something missing. she never seemed to be truly happy, she just seemed to be passing the time waiting for something else. She was tired of just existing, she wanted to live. But what was the point of living when there was no life in it. These questions went through her mind over and over again till she reached the point of not wanting to wake up from her dreams that felt so real. Deep down, she knew it was normal to feel like this. She didn't particularly think she was losing her mind. She knew that people said that one day she would be happy again and that this feeling would just be a distant memory. It was letting go that was the hard part......=(

I miss emoing + Heneikken at DPC....

I miss here..=(

xx signed off at Sunday, April 26, 2009

Happy Birthday Mich...

xx signed off at Sunday, April 26, 2009

Thursday, April 23, 2009

It was so bloody tiring trying to be happy all the time,
and she just didnt have the energy anymore.

xx signed off at Thursday, April 23, 2009

Monday, April 20, 2009

Collapsing

I'm collapsing soon.
Is there anyone who can hold and back me up...?
I couldnt take it anymore...
Can i cry on someone's shoulders?
The pressure has been so great...
Where are you my friends when i needed you guys the most?
Oh yea...

It exist no more.. Haihz

xx signed off at Monday, April 20, 2009

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Friends

Dear Diary,

This is the updates for the past one week.

Recently im trying to be heartless,
but it comes with a great consequences.
It's really hard to forget everything at once you know.

Recently had a fight with Meg.
Somehow she made me angry..
But how long can a person get angry..?
Fay told me she said i never speak to her.Haha.
Actually dare not speak with her also .Scared.

She once told me,
"Everytime I'm close with a person,
somehow at the end the will avoid me"

I told her that I would not be that kind of person
That's why i try my best not to be angry ...
Somehow, I don't know la~
Sometimes really want to chat with her,
but she's so busy all the time...
So dare not kacau her~ ....
Haih...

Sometimes i felt so bad coz i'm closer to fay now.
Coz there is one point of time Ryan was closer to Fay.
Then there was one time i ask Meg.."Wei, Ryan coming anot?"
She answer me...
with the pissed/mm song/ heartless/ 'like i care' face and said..
"Don't ask me, ask fay, he always sms her not me.."
Now, macam i'm the 2nd ryan like that..Haih..~

JuYen leh, recently she think so much.
Sometimes really worried for her..
She was so emo that she scolded me that day.
Just few days after i had my conflict with Meg. Haih.
Lucky i end the convo before i have conflict with her instead.

Haih. don't know why she keep thinking so much.
She keep telling me,
"I don't want to think also cannot,
I still need to find the answer" Haih...

I really hope she doesnt think too much.
Keep giving her advice she donwan listen..
"Be heartless. Be tough"

Life have to go on...~

xx signed off at Saturday, April 18, 2009

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I am learning how to be heartless,
and i do feel better.

I don't know why you keep insisting.
Can't i just be happy?
Why you want me to live in the past again?
Why you want to make me sad all the time?
I've learn to let go, and I really do felt better.

"Being happy is the priority of living,
If you wanna be sad,
be sad for something thats worth it"

To me, right here and right now,
it's not worth it anymore.

xx signed off at Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sunday, April 12, 2009

It didn't work~

Remember how i scold Ju-Yen so badly...?

Know how to say, but duno how to do it..

I was thinking something about Caesar Salad.
Haihz. I remmeber how we used to prepare the western dishes at DPC.
Just Ryan, Meg, JuYen and I..
Fay was like the big boss, waiting `~ Hehe.
I really really miss those moments~
I wan to turn bck time...I really do~

But now, that can be memories..

Sometimes, i wonder how can someone be so heartless..?
How did she do it...?
How can she not think about it...?
and..

"HOW THE HELL SOMEONE CAN BE THAT STRONG?"

Where are all the sadness stored..?
I wan to learn. Wan to be as strong as her =(
Haihz~ sometimes....

Many stuffs trigger the memories we once had..~
and i cannot handle it anymore...~
everything just hurts so much...~

and, my birthday just had to come on the right time. Haihz~

xx signed off at Sunday, April 12, 2009

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Big Boss Mr Koh teach me.

A marketers job is not on how you promote and sell the product,
it is to change people's perspection and mindset on the product.

I think i shall be failing as a markerter.

How do you change people's thinking?

It is very hard to change someone's thinking?

Forget about the product.
Take life as an example.

I've been trying so hard to change J & R's thinking/perspection over M.
But still i failed to do so.
And im accused of being over protective.
and stupid bus3rd doesnt even one to reply/response to my statement.
Such an ass.

How do you change people?

Change youself first before you attempt to change others.

xx signed off at Saturday, April 11, 2009

Friday, April 10, 2009

Harsh~

I must be harsh~
I'm sorry to say such hurtful words~

Today, Ju-Yen smsed me at work and asked..

"What's your bday wish for this year?"

I told her...

"No wish, rather not put any hopes then won't come true"

JuYen: I know, your wish is gathering right.
Michy: Never happen. Why put hopes and end up hurting self?
Ju-Yen: But you can't predict the future

Michy:

Even though Emo4 appear in front of me right now also i won't be happy. Coz dunwan put hopes thinking it will last AGAIN. The conflict will still be there. Ryan will still hates Meg's attitude. You & I will still mm song Ryan for his attitude. ******* etc. Ryan will still take us for spare tyre. Why wanna gather and make me rethink all this conflict. Nothing will change for the better also. Ryan will still be hot tempered Ryan. Meg will be usual Meg. You will be usual you. and I will be the emo Michy.Haiz

JuYen: Can you dun pls think so much? I can change them.

Michy: Can you change Ryan not hating Meg's attitude? Can you change ******** ? Can you change ******** ?

Ju-Yen: I know i cannot, but..

Michy: You also can think ma, you don't agree with me, but what i say is all fact. You cannot change a thing.

Ju-Yen:Pls, have some confidence in this friendship.

Michy:

Not no confidence. You can see what. Everyday i put hopes in this friendship. Everyday i think about Emo4. It's beginning to affect my studies. In class and lecture, teacher teach on the board, my mind wonder to Emo4 in the past, not concerntrating at all. Penang. Genting. DPC. Yum Cha. Wing's Cafe. Feeling's Cafe. Everyday i go e-mo4 blogspot, i blog and blog. The chatbox, only i'm posting message to myself. Putting hopes. It hurts so much you know. Among all friendship that hurts me, this is the most painful and suffering, because there are only four of us and i'm the only one putting hopes and facing it. Even fay hates ryan now. Other friendship not so hurt becoz there is yuki to go through with me. So, it's not no confidence, its hurting me so much, causing me to cry day and night until i tell myself, try to let go....

Ju-Yen: I go through with you...

Michy: Haiz...

----------------------------

I just wanna say, the matter is not whether you go through with me or not. The matter is dat you are involve in this conflict. You won't know how i feel, or how i'm facing it. Meg is right. I may be laughing and talking cock with you and her everyday, but in reality, i'm not tiny bit happy. I just don't want to put false hopes anymore. Once gather, sure there is mm song-ness. I don't want to see that. No matter how much i want this friendship to remain, i will let it go. Time will heal everything. Like that day, after fucking long didnt gather, once gather, Ryan straight mm song Meg's attitude, complain to me. Wtf? Like that day too, three of us went out with Yi Chin. Ryan never come, mm song again. Keep mm song like that, you think I will happy. you think we will happy? Thanks for the memories. But, i really really don't want to see any conflict anymore. Im sure you are happy in Penang, because the conflict end at KL right? Am i right? You be the judge.

Decision

Let go of the friendship. No mm song-ness.
Ryan happy coz no need to tahan Meg's attitude.No complain.
You happy coz ~ only you know. No complain.
Meg happy coz she's heartless, "being heartless is good at times"
Just that, i'll be emo all the time

or

Stay together. Mm Song all the time.
Ryan mm song Meg's attitude.
You mm song~ only you know.
Meg mm song, mm song alot of stuffs~e.g Michelle Oon always make her angry~
Just that, i'll be happy coz we are together?

I rather suffer all than to see you guys mm song~

I'm not trying to say you or zha you or whatsoever.
I'm also not trying to debate against you.
What i say is always the facts.

You be the judge.

Sorry.

xx signed off at Friday, April 10, 2009

Omg~ Its can't be...

Bob Bob Bob~
That's the sound of my heart whole day today and yesterday night~
What happened..? Why is it beating so fast?
Why is it aching..??

Am i.... Am i... in love..?
It cannot be..
It cannot be happening ..~

I've been thinking about you whole day =)

I miss you, haven seen u for a long time...~

Sadly, u always hurt me~

To love the impossible,
it's like asking me to wear skirt~
This time, not i object~,
It's people, object~ haihz~

xx signed off at Friday, April 10, 2009

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I can't believe this is happening to me

F.U.C.K !

xx signed off at Thursday, April 09, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Life~

To be honest, i don't look forward to my birthday.
Maybe because i want things to remain how they were.
Everyday, everynight i've done alot of thinking.
Probably in my history of friendship,
this is the one that hurt me so bad,
so bad that it leave a scar at my heart,
a stab that leads to continuous bleeding...

I duno, maybe all hurt be badly too..
Haih~ but this seriously the worst case ever.
In front, we just looks like four best friends hanging out,
But behind it, there is so many conflicts,
so many hatred between them...
I tried my best to stop, to stop whatever is happening...~
Because i, i am the only one that knows the whole truth...

And who can i tell..
Who can i go to....?

I know time will heal everything,
Thats why i'm keen when time flies so fast~
Luckily i took up working to avoid me thinking so much,
but still, it's still a relax job which means i still had time to think..

And even though my wish come true,
things will never be the same anymore..
It will never be the same...~
There is the feeling, that feeling..that hatred feeling..~
That "i don't like ur attitude pls fuck off" attitude..~
among each and every of them..

Why this happens to me....?

Why do i care so much when everyone else don't give a shit about it...?

Simple answer, because you guys are my friends...

The mind map of all problems.. Haiz

The main topic ='(

xx signed off at Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Missing you!

Wei, i miss you guys le

=(

xx signed off at Sunday, April 05, 2009

Friday, April 3, 2009

C.o.l.o.u.r.s

Was reading E=mo4 blog
Came across this post.

'last time i used to like black alot, because my life wasn't colourful at all... but ever since i hang out wif my new friends, my life becomes colourful'...

Haihz. Probably now.
It had turned back to black.
Can't be happy always.
People changes, even me.
Dare not look back anymore,
but is always tempted too...

Over the years, people keep saying i'm a good friend.
How can i ever be a good friend when
i can't maintain the friendship..?
I tried my best already,
things still goes out of control...

Haihz.

At times, i think we should forgive him.
At times, i think we were the spare tyres?
I duno. People always influence my thinking.
Only when im alone, i know that we should give him a second chance...

But, the problem never starts there...

Haihz.

Labels: E=mo4

xx signed off at Friday, April 03, 2009